It's weird being back in kl when noone's around, it's like resuming a life when three quarters of the parts are missing. When people lose limbs their mind still feels attached, it generates ghosts to fill the gaps. Instead of imaginary friends, my mind's created homesickness...for sun and sand that i never thought i'd pine for.
Being here is suffocating. I've never noticed it before, nor considered that a simple bus outside my door offers me so much more than I ever realised. I can shop, I can have coffee bean but really endlessness of the same shoes and moroccan mint lattes get tedious, and my patience and tolerance have matchingly dropped with rises in rudeness, ignorance and poor service.
Where are the late night mamak calls for Devi's at Hartamas? The adventures for seafood in Teluk Gong? The all night ghost drives? The girlie chats in my room? My magharibi3, SkyBambi and Sculpted Bone?
I've done what I came here to do. It's time to go.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
waiting to see
It's daylight savings once again, and I can't sleep. This weekend has been a bit surreal. Like living back in 2007 when Avery was still my flatmate and I was still at uni. I came home on fri night shattered and slept, woke up, ate a small dinner and slept once again. Got up on saturday to rain, cold and as i did back then...spent the weekend alone. It's a strange feeling once you've gotten used to being attached at the hip with a (new) friend. What am I going to do today? Shall I catch up with people I've been too busy to see? or shall I revel in my aloneness by cooking, eating, reading and leaving the house in a mess? Even shopping at Bondi was boring without her. Awwww =P I think i need a hobby. And i ignored the 10 pages of writing i had to do, no surprises there considering the fact that i define the word procrastinate.
In a way it was good tho. Otherwise I would've chewed her ear off all weekend about what to do with my life. Coz although thursday was good, and this week promises to be too, i still ultimately don't know.
Go back to uni? yeah suffer another 2 years of lectures, rushed assignments, late nights and stress - but have time to sleep, go gym, breathe a bit etc etc.
Stay in my current job? bide my time for another year, go through bouts of downness, boredom, mundane repetition, with a few interesting highlights here and there, but ultimately no growth or promotion.
Get a new job? start at the bottom again, be the new grunt again, have more contact with the real world, get more enjoyment by helping the innocent with their financial problems, with more job progression and growth.
Get a new career? go back to hospitality, open a Coffee Bean or a cafe of my own, suffer the 18 hr days, no staff, rising expenses, but do what I ultimately like to do in serving people, but find completely unstimulating, with the hope that my endeavour is successful and i continue to open more to develop a little kingdom of my own. cafejodie in all its glory.
I need advice and no one i know can give it. No one is senior or experienced enough to tell me what i want to know. everyone says the same thing. bide it out, give it time. my question is what's the point when you already know what is at the end of the tunnel. you're not waiting to see, you've seen and now are just waiting. why?
its 13 degrees outside. no wonder i'm cold.
In a way it was good tho. Otherwise I would've chewed her ear off all weekend about what to do with my life. Coz although thursday was good, and this week promises to be too, i still ultimately don't know.
Go back to uni? yeah suffer another 2 years of lectures, rushed assignments, late nights and stress - but have time to sleep, go gym, breathe a bit etc etc.
Stay in my current job? bide my time for another year, go through bouts of downness, boredom, mundane repetition, with a few interesting highlights here and there, but ultimately no growth or promotion.
Get a new job? start at the bottom again, be the new grunt again, have more contact with the real world, get more enjoyment by helping the innocent with their financial problems, with more job progression and growth.
Get a new career? go back to hospitality, open a Coffee Bean or a cafe of my own, suffer the 18 hr days, no staff, rising expenses, but do what I ultimately like to do in serving people, but find completely unstimulating, with the hope that my endeavour is successful and i continue to open more to develop a little kingdom of my own. cafejodie in all its glory.
I need advice and no one i know can give it. No one is senior or experienced enough to tell me what i want to know. everyone says the same thing. bide it out, give it time. my question is what's the point when you already know what is at the end of the tunnel. you're not waiting to see, you've seen and now are just waiting. why?
its 13 degrees outside. no wonder i'm cold.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Jack & The Beanstalk
I read my own blog this morning. That's got to be one of the vainest things one can do. But I was amazed at the date of my last post! 28th of May! MAY! A quarter of a year ago.That's not good.
Part of me knew this would happen when I started a blog because I'm terrible at keeping diaries and that's essentially what a blog is. But I didn't expect it to be this bad. Oh well, life goes on.
I tried something new over the past few months. Went in a totally different direction to what I normally would. Interestingly some thought it was good that I was going for almost a complete opposite, others gave it a/the/some benefit of a doubt, (how do you use that phrase in writing?), but thought essentially that it wouldn't work. But yeah, maybe it's not a good idea to experiment on people. Although, if not explicitly,they knew it was an experiment too.
The thing is - it didn't teach me much. I learnt the same things I could've learnt being in the experience than being out of it looking in, and I wonder why? Was it that the person didn't open me up as much as I thought they would - because in general I can't be defined as being narrow minded once I remove fear from the equation. Or was it because I felt limited and restricted by being with them. Realistically I think it was the second.
How can people go about life with their heads in the sky? This is something that I've never understood. People should be grounded. We live on the ground, we live in reality. We see reality pass us by everyday and still so many are oblivious or ignore society around them. They should know what they want in life and go out there and achieve it. Doesn't matter what speed that achievement is and what they have to sacrifice to get it (as long as they can provide for their needs in the meantime).
Yes there will be obstructions and failures along the way. And maybe what you want will change or morph as you go along and that's alright, but ultimately people need to CLIMB THEIR OWN LADDER! There's no point in being alive if you don't learn and grow and develop with life. (I'm not suggesting suicide here, I'm just pointing out one of the distinct advantages of being alive in the first place). So grow already! You've planted your seeds and developed your roots, all you need now is to get on with life they way you're supposed to.
Part of me knew this would happen when I started a blog because I'm terrible at keeping diaries and that's essentially what a blog is. But I didn't expect it to be this bad. Oh well, life goes on.
I tried something new over the past few months. Went in a totally different direction to what I normally would. Interestingly some thought it was good that I was going for almost a complete opposite, others gave it a/the/some benefit of a doubt, (how do you use that phrase in writing?), but thought essentially that it wouldn't work. But yeah, maybe it's not a good idea to experiment on people. Although, if not explicitly,they knew it was an experiment too.
The thing is - it didn't teach me much. I learnt the same things I could've learnt being in the experience than being out of it looking in, and I wonder why? Was it that the person didn't open me up as much as I thought they would - because in general I can't be defined as being narrow minded once I remove fear from the equation. Or was it because I felt limited and restricted by being with them. Realistically I think it was the second.
How can people go about life with their heads in the sky? This is something that I've never understood. People should be grounded. We live on the ground, we live in reality. We see reality pass us by everyday and still so many are oblivious or ignore society around them. They should know what they want in life and go out there and achieve it. Doesn't matter what speed that achievement is and what they have to sacrifice to get it (as long as they can provide for their needs in the meantime).
Yes there will be obstructions and failures along the way. And maybe what you want will change or morph as you go along and that's alright, but ultimately people need to CLIMB THEIR OWN LADDER! There's no point in being alive if you don't learn and grow and develop with life. (I'm not suggesting suicide here, I'm just pointing out one of the distinct advantages of being alive in the first place). So grow already! You've planted your seeds and developed your roots, all you need now is to get on with life they way you're supposed to.
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