bread and jam

I've been trying to make bread recently. I know it sounds easy but I want it to be really good. Like Artisan Bakery good. Like Corinna Chapman good. So I began by making a starter. Just add equal amounts of tepid water and flour to a steralised jar with a few spoons of sugar and let nature do its work. Every day tip half of it out and repeat process until starter smells yeasty, has doubled in size and looks spongey. Then use as yeast to make bread. Simple. Not so.

Ensure jar, spoon, and every stirring device imaginable is steralised first (ie boil for 10 mins in water and dry in 160c oven. Use expensive organic unbleached flour to ensure you have right mix of natural "good" bacteria and are not reliant on natural "bad" bacteria to send your mix to Mars. Try using warm distilled or non chlorinated water for maximum effect. But how did eighteenth century bakers achieve beautiful sourdoughs when they did none of the above? Please explain that to me, Mr Muffin Man.

So I moved on to jam and marmalade instead. And easy it was indeed! All you need are equal amounts of fruit and sugar, a lemon to ensure setting, some steralised jars and a few hours to kill. It's slow burning but oh so good gratification. Simply cut fruit to size, add juice of half lemon and pips in a coffee filter, simmer with enough water to cover at no deeper than 3cm. Then when the fruit is at the softness level you'd like, measure quantity in pan and add 1/2 to equal amount in sugar, simmer again until your jam coats the back of a spoon and sets easily on a frozen saucer. Bottle and you're done. Why people resort to store bought Cottees or Kraft jam I don't know, because this is the best stuff I've ever tasted and its easier than boiling an egg.

I wouldn't even mind being the local jam lady distributing jam kisses instead of jelly.